10%

After two years of participation in the Full Tilt Forum, I was asked to become a moderator. I was pretty happy with the idea and was good feeling appreciated. The duties don't consist of alot, but I think it will serve me well in the long run.
I think the primary reason I was chosen was because I generally don't get into arguements with everyone and am not constantly insulting everyone else. It seems like some people like to insult others, just for the sake of it. There are a couple that are more witty or clever about it, but the result is the same. Pointless? I think so. Just another form of bullying. Don't know when bullying lost it's appeal, but I think it's merits were gone by the time I hit drinking age.
Also, I've been pretty successfull in Forum tourneys which leads some to think I can play well, thus having something meaningful to say. I think I have the ability to play well, but am not yet a good player. To me that takes consistency, patience and wise bankroll management. None of which I've conquered yet. I'd say I have atleast any 2 of the 3 working well about 60% of the time. During this time, I'm usually winning, but not alot. On the occasions where I'm running all 3 aspects, I figure about 30% of the time, I feel like I am killing the table. This isn't a rush of hands that I'm talking about, it's just being completely dialed in. Getting max value out of good hands, minimum losses from bad hands, great post flop decisions. Great post flop decisions, my god how important that is, really another topic in and of itself.
Then there is the 10%. Oh that 10%. I absolutely hate that 10%. That 10% is where I blow up. That 10% almost always wipes out my excellent 30%, plus some. Happens about once a week or 2(used to be more frequent). I take some badbeats, nothing tiltworthy, but bad. Then I take a couple of more. The it hits like a fucking sledgehammer. The TILT. I start playing crappy hands way more aggressively, bleeding units, chasing horribly, just to get that fish who took my money several times by playing horribly and getting lucky. Somehow I convince myself that if I play badly, I'll do him the same injustice. Doesn't work. All that I've done is destroyed my hard earned bankroll.
I've gotten alot better about it, but still not there yet. Strange thing is, it rarely happens to me live. I wonder if being able to see the idiot that just handed me and others badbeats is soothing in some respect. Online the idiot doesn't have a face and will often leave quickly. Live the idiot has a face and usually sticks around. Who gave me the badbeat? That idiot there, the one with rotten teeth and 3 chins. Inside I'm pointing and laughing, outside nothing. Online idiot I'm screaming at like it means something, just becoming more irate.
Once I feel I can control it online, then maybe I'll move up my bankroll a bit. It's funny how I worry about losing a $20 hand online when it's not a big deal at all live. $20, that's funny.